Today, I am at home, patiently waiting to know whether I will or will not be called into work. I frequently have checked my social media, waiting for some type of exciting update that requires a call to action from me, yet again, just more baby photos from college friends.
I am starting to realize how truly lost I have been for the last couple of months, years even. Even at times while I was forging down a path holding several titles such as nurse, Clinical Documentation Integrity Specialist, daughter, colleague, chair of this and that… I was even more lost then. I recognize now that I was simply falling into those roles, without questioning the nature of their expectations or whether I agreed with them or not. I simply and mindlessly did what others expected of me, never putting priority on what I wanted or how filling those roles would even truly make me happy. If it made others happy, I did it. Life was simpler.
Admitting to being lost surprisingly feels like a relief. I feel like by meeting myself and seeing where I really am in life, gives me the urgency to begin to find my way forward. Now I have a starting point which is much more exciting than being on a loop of hating myself for not being where I “think” I should be or where society expects me to be at this stage in my life.
I guess this is all to say, there is truly magic in beginning. I have never been more authentically present and ready for my journey ahead, now that I know it’s time to start.
Cheers to you, my fellow wanderers ❤