Catchy title, right? I know it seems like I’m being overly negative and dramatic but that’s because I am. However, I do it to prove a point.
On August 6th, 2016, the absolute love of my life proposed. This is after approximately one year of family, friends, and even myself, putting what, in hindsight, was probably an unfair amount of pressure on him to suddenly save every penny he made and make one of the biggest decisions of his life and plan the PERFECT way to ask me. So after he proposed, I got everything I wanted in life and I was immediately happy and everything else was super easy but also exciting!
Things that are false.
Sure! It was so exciting for the first week. Even two weeks. But week three… here came the questions. “Where are you getting married? How many bridesmaids? What kind of dress? What are your colors? Oh my gaawwwwwwddddd my cousin Jennifer had those colors and it was amaaaazing but also too dark and you may want to rethink the timeline you haven’t made yet.” JESUS. CHRIST.
I envy literally every person in this world that loved planning their wedding. For me, it was actually a personal hell.
HEAR ME: I LOVE and ADORE my husband more than anything else on this planet. He is my best friend and partner for life. Which is why I hated and resented the fact that so many people had so many different opinions about a day that had nothing to do with them. And, the PRESSURE, society puts on you! To drain your bank account as quickly as possible just for the soul purpose of checking off “throw a dream wedding” on your imaginary to-do list. You’re not living the dream. You’re broke, losing your hair, and have forgotten about a lot of things that matter to you because you can’t stop obsessing about throwing the perfect party for everyone else.
Having said all of this, my wedding was the most wonderful day of my entire life. The further I get away from it… the planning, the sweat, the tears, and kidney infections that I received from not taking care of myself… Were well worth it and I would do it all again if it meant I could shove all of those amazing humans in one room.
I’m not saying just go to civil court and skip the big stuff because I feel like that’s not the solution. If you want a big wedding, then go big, but be ready to face a lot of demons and some of those demons may be dressed up like Aunt Linda who wants to bring her own cake to the wedding. If you want it to be small and intimate, go all out. My day was chaotic, in some ways my biggest nightmare (I am not awesome at being the center of attention). Majority of the day did not go as planned because of elements out of our control and I think we caught all of the hitches that could have ever been hitched. But, it was beautiful, it was real, and it was exactly the amount of untraditional we both wanted. We signed our license and in front of our beloved witnesses, we became man and wife followed by the most insane party that either no one will forget or remember. Really could have gone either way there.
Before I was married one of my best friends told me, in one of my many breakdowns and times of despair, “your wedding day will not be the best day of your life…”, I looked up and slowly began creating a noose out of my own hair; she then added, “there will be so many better ones in your time being married.”. It was then I realized it would only be 24 hours and on what other day would we both look so damn good, young, and be so madly in love with each other we need to declare it in front of hundreds of people? Never! Our wedding day was perfectly flawed.
Every tear, penny, and AZO tablet was well worth it but thank God I never have to do it again. If you are single, please know the grass is not greener on the other side. If you’re planning a wedding and feeling shitty because you have a smaller budget than you thought and have to make sacrifices like not getting those huge peonies that you wanted– no one gives a FAHK about the peonies, but you. And you heard it here first– ditch the fahking peonies. NOW. Use paper flowers, or all greens, the grooms men DO NOT NEED boutineers and the only thing that matters are your out of this world electric love for each other– everything else will fall into place, I PROMISE.
If you are married, and hate my truth about wedding planning because you loved planning yours, please tell me what you did immediately, and I’m sorry we haven’t been better friends up to this point but it’s possible I need you to coach me through all things in life. I had unwavering support from friends, family, and my wonderful wedding planner, but I still could not escape the fact that all eyes were on us and I constantly was feeling like a failure. Even though I wasn’t, and our day was amazing… the insurmountable pressure to have the most perfect day was paralyzing to me and I write this only for the people out there that can relate. Please know, you are not alone.
I will cherish my memories, even the painful ones, because nothing can take away the fact that I still do believe it was the best day of my life and it means I can legally wake up to his fine a** every day until we both die.
Thank you reading and allowing me to be honest.